Too Damn Funny—Had to Share With Permission of Course

FROM SMART BITCHES, TRASHY BOOKS

This was so funny it would have made liquid come out of my nose if I had been imbibing anything at the time. It is so funny that I'm not entirely sure the petitioner isn't David Sedaris having some fun on Sarah.My general reaction to anything this funny is that it was written by David Sedaris.

HaBO: It’s Always Fun When They’re Funny

by SB Sarah • Saturday, September 03, 2011 at 07:07 AM

This query made me LOL like AOL and ROFLMAO like Chairman Mao. Enjoy A’s request with me, won’t you?

Let me start by saying I have NO idea why I want to re-read this book because it just sounds awful, but that seems to change nothing because the darned thing sticks in my head and I want to read it anyway, even if it’s probably going to hit the wall 10 times before I finish it (so I’d rather not use my e-reader). The book had to have been published prior to 2000because I remember reading it in high school, but it’s very probable it was published prior to that.

The main thing I remember is that the lead female (I want to say her name was Kate) is the best friend of the hero’s little sister. The hero, upstanding guy that she is, thinks she’s a big ol’ slutbag because of a misunderstanding at the beginning of the book involving her being naked in a poolhouse while changing clothes, when a snake comes in and scares the tar out of her. Hero comes in just as Heroine is clinging nakedly to Random Witless Male Bystander and of course Hero assumes she’s the afforementioned big ol’ ho-bag. Wackiness ensues over the course of several years where he’s attracted to her and makes her feel like a skank because of his issues. Of course the heroine is actually a virgin and would never allow someone who wasn’t the hero to approach her sacred love cavern with their rod of steel, but the hero refuses to believe it and treats her like crap
for most of the book.

I also might be confusing this part of the plot with another book, but it seems like the main character is so much the Queen Ultimate Virgin of All Things Unpenetrated that she has some kind of physical problem and there’s this doctor who’s all, “We must surgically remove your hymen or this dude and his purple-headed love stick are going to rip you a new one - literally,” and the heroine is all, “But no, if you remove my hymen, how will the douchebag I’m in love with know that I’m not a big ol’ slut
bag?” And there’s a big dramatic sex scene involving pain and the hero is all, “Oh darn me and this freakishly giant penis! I could have hurt you. You must really love me to do such a thing.”

So does this ring any bells for anyone? Honestly, I have no idea why I want to re-read this book, but it’s been driving me crazy for about 6 months since it first popped back into my head. I want to say it’s a Diana Palmer (and it sounds exactly like her kind of thing) but I looked through her booklist and didn’t see anything that matched it.

Seriously. I hope that this book is found so that it can be read and reread by ALL OF US. Because OMG. WTF. BBQ.

If you are familiar with this book please comment at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books!
Reprinted with permission from Sarah at Smart Bitches Trashy Books a premiere book blog and forum co-founded by Sara Wendell and Candy Tan.

My note: this is the kind of thing that makes me want to create a meat puppet and sell it on line.

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